The Manosphere has done a massive amount of research, both in formal study and in personal anecdotes to understand how women operate. There are multiple reasons for this, as some men choose to bed them, others to hold onto them, and all are trying to avoid being taken advantage by them. Similarly, we have looked inside ourselves in order to understand who we are as men. Through these pursuits, we’ve generated what amounts to an entire new field of gender psychology (though I’d call it sex psychology, for reasons I will detail later).
(Aside: Here I’d like to point out how the supposedly misogynistic manosphere has devoted so much time into understanding how women function on an objective analysis that tries to get to the heart of the female human condition, petals and thorns and all. Ironic, isn’t it, how we wish to understand them, but feminism has not desired to do the same for men. If we are psychoanalyzed at all by the opposing side, then it is through the lens of sophism, projection, and oppression. But I digress…)
Months ago, I wrote:
“In its most basic form, the male human condition is about becoming a man worthy of reproduction through demonstrable strength, intellect, and/or dominance. That is a man’s purest quest, condensed. However, the female human condition is about holding onto the things that nature, genetics and circumstance have given her without her control.”
What I meant by that is, because nature has given us different means and consequences for reproduction, the life’s story of a boy and a girl are so different that they might as well be different realities.
But that only scratches the surface. Plumbing is one thing, psychology is another.
As much as we men can understand the computations within the female brain, much like how we understand how a motor functions, we cannot get into the mind of a woman and feel what she feels, sees what she sees, think in the way that she can. We can only observe from the outside and understand where her programming will likely take her, but not the journey. Similarly, women cannot do the same for us. Despite all we have learned, there remains the impenetrable barrier of our inability to understand the other half of the species.
That is because our brains are different. There are several main considerations when talking about neurology: density of neurons, type of neurons, structure of neurons, and chemical neurotransmitters. Between men and women, all four are different.
Think of grey matter as a computer chip and white matter as an Ethernet cable. Men have more processing power in select areas while women connect smaller patches of calculators over a wider network. Thus, it should not be a surprise that, over time, men have been stereotyped as focused and logical while women have been stereotyped as holistic thinkers. Stereotypes exist for a reason, people.
“The right and left hemispheres of the male and female brains are not set up exactly the same way. For instance, females tend to have verbal centers on both sides of the brain, while males tend to have verbal centers on only the left hemisphere.”
The white matter neurons (the “Ethernet cables”) mainly run from front to back in males while neural pathways run from side to side in females. This distinction is made all the more apparent when examining the female’s larger corpus callosum – the main bridge that connects the left and right hemispheres of the brain, allowing them to communicate.
Consider not only neurons (their type, density and structure), but also the chemicals that allow them to send signals:
Testosterone is the reason why men punch refrigerators when we can’t fix them (and feel absolutely justified in doing so), and the neural structure of women is why they can’t understand why we do.
But not only can women not understand men, but men cannot understand women. But perhaps “understand” is not the right word. Men and women just can’t grok each other. Remove a person’s optic nerve or visual cortex and no matter how hard they try to see it simply won’t happen. Remove the prefrontal cortex of one’s brain (which governs behavior and holds back our impulsivity) and they will simply not be able to physically stop themselves from certain behavior. The circuit has literally been cut. We cannot think with brain matter we don’t have, and because men and women are both built and lacking in certain areas of the brain means, no matter how hard we try, we cannot get into the mind of the opposite sex. It just isn’t possible.
I personally believe that men and women experience two totally different realities. Not only do we process sensory data and memories differently, but the act of processing information itself is different. I have a pet hypothesis that women literally see the world differently than men. Consider two things: men have a much higher rate of colorblindness than women due to the Y chromosome; while research points to women having higher instances of Tetrachromacy (being able to process more shades of color).
I wouldn’t be surprised if the world looks more vivid through a woman’s eyes. Stereotypes abound with women fretting over the color of a salmon dress vs a coral dress. We men think this is stupid because we cannot see the difference as well as they can (it’s all pink to us). Perhaps we truly, physically, can’t. The kicker, though, is that we will never know. We cannot prove it. Giving me a woman’s eyes will not change the fact that my brain would still not be able to process it. You simply cannot compare the experiences of man and woman, side by side. This is not the fault of society or education or privilege, but of biology.
The word Gender as we’ve come to use it is a misnomer. The word Gender is a deflection from the word Sex, as Sex in the context of man and woman (and not the act) refers to our biological state, the plumbing, neurology, and chromosomes that differentiate us. It has been replaced in favor of Gender, which tries to take the onus of male and female differences off biology (where it actually lay) and puts it on social conditioning, as if biological differences only apply to our genitals. Obviously, they don’t. However the trend is so ubiquitous and so subtle that academics even make this mistake. The freaking article I cited even calls it “Brain Differences Between Genders“. Uh, hello, we’re talking about XX and XY, biology and neurology. It’s Sex, professor. Once again, another example of the conditioning our world puts us through to render men and women as more similar than different.
However the more digging we do in the Manosphere the more we end up realizing that this gap between male experience and female experience is wider than we expected and cannot be bridged, although many will try. As a writer, I’ve come across the same question from many an aspiring young man as to how to write female characters. Every time I give them this information there are at least five people – an assortment of PC white nights and feminists – willfully ignoring these facts as they try to force the two separate human conditions into one, egalitarian-friendly worldview. Feminism’s attempt to close this gap between the sex’s personal realities, or even disavow their existence, leads to horrible consequences for men and women (and really shitty novels).
In trying to make boys more feminine and sensitive, and in trying to make girls into alpha males, the result ends up deforming them into something neither man nor woman – an offense not to “traditional gender roles”, but to their own biological being.
In this egalitarian view, we’re expected to judge each sex’s behavior and attributes via the same metric. However, judging men through the eyes of women only produces the idea that we are angry brutes that think about sex every 6 seconds (thank you, 90’s). In trying to look at women through a man’s eyes we see only an emoting child who can’t do math or logic (thank you, 50’s). Both of these stereotypes result from trying to define male and female out of context, by the opposite standard. It is pure madness.
Part of being enlightened requires you to see something as it is, fully and completely, without mental bias blocking your perception, realizing too the limitations of your own judgment. This means we cannot deny the context in which our biological sex resides. We must see that these human conditions are different and should be judged based on what they are, men as men, and women as women. If not, we force upon ourselves heaps of frustration from our lack of understanding and lay upon others undue criticism for the very same reason.
The reality is that men and women simply cannot grok each other, for our mental computers run on separate operating systems. Yes we can use logic to make decent guesses about other’s behavior. We can certainly observe and take notes from afar. But we are trapped within our own minds, and thus within our own worlds. In the end, we might not be able to bridge the gap between the sexes, but we can come to appreciate our respective mesas for what they are.
And if those who disagree, asserting that we are more alike than different, my response would be:
How do you know?