It’s three in the morning. I’m on break, sitting on a hospital loading dock with a protein bar in one hand and a Big Gulp in the other. My mind wanders across nothing in particular thanks to my fatigue, causing consciousness to merely touch ideas before it wanders to another. I’m not used to nights.
I begin to look at the brick work, going up ten stories to the roof of the hospital. I wonder, do they have a machine to lay all those bricks or is it done by hand? Then I think, in either case, a man laid the bricks, or a man made the machine to lay the bricks.
The windows on each floor were put in by men, as were the fluorescent lights. If either breake, who’s going to change it? A man. I look at the sidewalk. It had to be poured by men, leveled by men, men working long days in the sun or in the winter cold. Behind me, the janitors, security guards and maintenance techs all scurry around the hospital in the early morning hours. And they’re all men. The truckers with deliveries at three in the morning are all men too.
Right now, there are men at the power plant. Men are at the water works. Men are on call and on standby in the city’s police and fire departments.
So I wonder: why? What do we do it for?
The brick-layers didn’t work because they had a fetish for it. Neither do the truckers or janitors. I don’t like working nights. I don’t necessarily like my job, but I’m here. Why am I here?
Despite the fact that men keep the water and lights on at three in the morning, that work isn’t their primary goal. All of man’s input to keep a modern society going is merely an afterthought, a secondary benefit, a means to an end, not the end itself.
I, and most other men, work because we have our eyes on something else. The majority of men don’t do it because we get some personal pleasure from the job itself. Rather, men want to get laid. Having a good job is attractive to women, so we work to get laid. Men want to have a girlfriend or wife, so we work hard to impress them. Men want a family, so we work to support it.
I’ve gone from one blue-collar company to another. The behavior from most of the other techs is the same. They work 60+ hours a week, trading their time, sweat and health to support their families. They could be working an easier job with fewer hours and more free time, yet they willingly choose the yoke, because of the reasons above.
If I wasn’t working toward a family and legacy, somewhere in the future, then I’d quit my job tomorrow and deliver pizzas or something. The amount of time and money I would need to support a single, minimalistic lifestyle takes less than half of the effort I put in now. 20 hours a week being a waiter or driver would be all I need, really. The rest could be taken up by video games. I could absolve myself of graveyard shifts and dirty, exhausting work for the ease and relaxation of bachelorhood. But I don’t.
If I and all other men chose this route then society as we know it would collapse. There might be a lot of pizza delivery guys, but no one left to drill for oil or pave the roads. In the end, if you want a sustainable and modern society, then you have to give men the incentive to work, which means you need to work on women.
Relationships are a trade-off, and men give up a great deal of good things so that their girlfriend or wife can, ideally, give him something greater in return. But many women just don’t seem to get this.
The era of feminism has flipped the script. Some women were told that that they are the lone prize of the relationship. They were told that they are so valuable, and that men are such dumb, bumbling brutes, that women bless men’s lives by her mere angelic existence. Thus, women were told they don’t need to give anything or take on any obligation because he owes her for the relationship, as if men by themselves are incomplete and in need of wholeness (Warning: Projection).
But the actual truth is the reverse. It is men who are better off without those aforementioned women. Just look at your typical single man and woman. Look at them through the decades. Why does one feel free enough to pursue their dreams while the other side slips slowly into despair (and cats)? Because it is not men who are incomplete. Men are whole. Not only are men whole, they overflow with excess: excess strength, drive, time, power; not only to fully support their own lives but to give pieces of themselves to others. And men will give themselves to others, so long as they trust that enough of their effort will be returned.
Women need to earn that trust. They need to ensure reciprocity, not just for his benefit, or for hers, but because so much hinges on each man’s willingness to put his strength toward something bigger than himself. But that requires the support of women giving back more than what they take. If women as a decline this wager, then so does a man’s output.
That means a shift in female consciousness away from “what do I disserve?” to “what can I do for him?”