Single Fathers Are Better Than Single Mothers

My parents divorced when I was ten. For the first five years, I had the experience of living with a single mother, and the last five with a single father. My experiences are merely my own personal case study. Not every single mother or father is like my parents, but having experienced both, having also learned of the unequal nature of men and women, I’m left with the conclusion that if one had to choose to send their child to live with one parent that men would be the better chance of success, for reasons. I know this flies in the face of feminism and female empowerment, and the culture at large which supports single-motherhood, but when has that stopped me before? Alrighty, let’s do this.

 

The core of my argument comes down to this: there are things that only a mother can teach their daughter or son, and things only a father can teach. Second, what a daughter gets from her father/mother is strikingly different than what a son gets from his father/mother. The sexes send different lessons to their offspring and each sex has a psychological blind spot that they simply cannot overcome. While the ideal is to have both of these influences simultaneously, and single parenting makes the best of a less-ideal situation, there are advantages and disadvantages to which sex does the single parenting.

 

The benefits and drawbacks will all make much more sense by putting the dynamics into a matrix. Disclaimer: this analysis makes a lot more sense on the assumption that each family scenario started intact but ended with a divorce partway through the child’s development into adulthood. It doesn’t necessarily apply to single families at the start, with children being born into that situation.

 

Mother/Daughter

 

The obvious first: mothers teach their daughters about feminine gender roles from the most superficial like wearing makeup to more advanced lessons like social conduct. Mothers also teach their daughters how to navigate the female social matrix. The Red Pill Room did an extensive piece on the female social matrix that is definitely worth reading. In short, women deal with each other in a network that is overtly egalitarian but covertly hierarchal. In front of the group, they’re all equals, but behind each other’s backs there is a soft hierarchy that is determined by backroom alliances, underground consensus, and adherence to group rules. This is something that men just simply cannot grok and it is one of the things that only a mother can bestow.

 

With the family organized as a matriarchy, the daughter feels the full force of female power, which isn’t usually composed of outright displays of dominance but small jabs of passive-aggressiveness. If the mother understands and respects her power, the struggle between mother and daughter is relatively tame. However, the feminine imperative for safety and control can use that power to turn the matriarchy tyrannical, causing the daughter to feel the full force of feminine ostracism and shaming.

 

So while the power structure of the matriarchal family depends on the personality of its leader, a foundational problem of the single mother household is the lack of a father figure, or sometimes a chaotic father situation. Young women get their impressions of men from their interactions with their fathers. They see dad act a certain way and expect those qualities from their boyfriends and husbands. Good fathers leave a good imprint, while bad fathers leave a negative imprint. Some women in abusive relationships expect to be abused because their fathers did it, and they believe that that’s just what men do. It’s normal for them, and, unfortunately, they know of little else.

 

Without a father figure, there is no imprint, no expectation of what men should be. So how does a woman choose a mate without a filtering mechanism? Friends and family could show her the way, but there is large room for error. She could get the impression from mom’s boyfriends that transient men are the norm. If those men are scumbags then she could expect horrible things as a given. Stereotypes exist for a reason, and archetypal stripper with daddy issues exists for that reason.

 

This is probably the biggest hurdle that a single mother faces, and there is a little room for error and disastrous consequences if it happens.

 

Mother/Son

 

Just as fathers leave an imprint on daughters as to what their boyfriends should be, the mother leaves an imprint on their sons as to what women should be. Children who do not have a good attachment to their mothers tend to have psychological problems later in life, and this is especially true for sons. A son needs to have an adequate concept of the caring aspects of the feminine. You know the stereotype that woman-haters have mommy issues? Well…

 

However, even with a good mother to support her son, the mother’s knowledge of the female social matrix is totally lost on him. I’ll go out on a limb and say that men don’t have the mental wiring to see the innuendo inherent in female social networks. We just don’t get it, because we don’t have to get it. Thus, the main benefit of a mother figure to daughters is unnecessary to their sons.

 

The biggest disadvantage the mother/son association has is that there is simply no male role model to show the son how to become a man. TV is a poor substitute. The mother’s new boyfriends fair better, but there is a barrier of apprehension between a son and mom’s new boyfriend. The boyfriend doesn’t see the kid as “his”, and is less likely to get involved while the son cannot form an attachment to the new surrogate like he could with his father. And given that a boy imprints his expectations of women from his mother, what kind of psychological chaos does a new boyfriend bring to the arrangement? The new boyfriend is not only a stranger, but, in the mind of the son, he is also a new source of competition. (And if you were to ask Freud, he’d say a source of sexual competition.)

 

The boy is left completely ignorant of the nature of women in ways many of us could once relate to. A mother isn’t going to give up the secrets of the feminine mystique to her son, that is if she even understands herself well enough to articulate them and, even if she did, what makes anyone think she’ll train him on finding the right woman, or more importantly defending yourself from the wrong one? What motivation does she have to throw her kind under the bus or reveal her deepest, darkest secrets to her son? The likelihood of a mother giving her son some real-talk is slim.

 

And finally, it’s incredibly difficult for a mother to keep order as the sole authority figure when, by the early teens, her son is far taller and stronger than she is. Authority without power is no authority at all, and it is why being raised by a single mother is a strong predictor for adolescent crime.

 

The mother/son scenario is probably the worst setup in the matrix because, aside from necessary parental attachment, a son has no male role model, no masculine identity, no insight into the nature of women, and no strong authority figure to instill a rigid set of ethical guidelines. He is the perfect vessel to become an omega male.

 

Father/Daughter

 

While women tend to assert their authority through passive means, males/fathers are more direct in establishing boundaries of acceptable behavior. They are the authority figure that sets up rules to contain the chaos. If these rules are reasonable then it conditions an ethical framework in the child, no matter the sex. The greatest benefit for daughters, however, is that with a good father she can form positive expectations of what future men should be. If he is a positive force in her life then she will not settle for less.

 

The downside to this arrangement is that, without female influence, the daughter is behind the curve in navigating the female social matrix or learning femininity. However, don’t write off the father/daughter setup yet. Women are adapt at building large social networks, so it’s possible to find that influence through her friends or her friend’s mothers, or even from her father’s girlfriend. Women are more open to female strangers than men are to male strangers, and I have no doubt that dad’s new girlfriend would be more accepting than mom’s new boyfriend. Obviously, exceptions exist but I believe that is the general rule.

 

Despite not ideal conditions, the father/daughter dynamic can still make it through better than the reverse mother/son situation.

 

Father/Son

 

To put it simply, this arrangement plays to everyone’s strengths. The son doesn’t need to navigate the female social matrix, so the missing lesson from his mother hurts no one. As long as he received the proper care from her early in life and the separation did not take place when he was a toddler, parental attachment shouldn’t take a heavy hit (though it could).

 

If his father holds sufficient wisdom then the son can learn how to be a man, or at least what it means to be masculine, and can potentially learn how to interact with woman as a man, learned from a man who has interacted with women. Such information could not possibly come from a single mother.

 

This is not without precedent. In many cultures, the idea of separating a young man from his mother to be led under his father was the norm rather than the exception. One could say that it is the natural course of manhood.

 

Also, dad bringing home a new girlfriend isn’t as traumatic for the son compared to his mom bringing home a new boyfriend, because a boyfriend for mom is competition while a girlfriend for dad is not. The feeling of ownership a son has for his mother, as a caregiver and prelude of female relations to come, is multitudes stronger than a son has for his father. Thus, a son can tolerate a dad’s new girlfriend or wife, making family formation easier.

 

The main downside, however, are the implications of severing the son’s ties with the mother figure. The first relationship a young boy has to the female sex is through his mother. Going even further, the first relationship any human has is to their mother. Breaking that bond too early can cause trauma for young boys. For adolescents and young teenagers, the problem with separation isn’t as pronounced. Again, this very thing was expected of young boys in many cultures as a rite of passage and historically isn’t beyond the pale.

 

Conclusion:

 

All of this, of course, depends on the quality of the parents and children involved. The best single mother could overcome the hurdles of raising a son with better results than the worst single father doing the same (and vice versa), but, all things being equal, some situations are better than others.

 

In summation,

 

Mother/daughter – moderate success, depending on quality of parent

  • Good: has necessary female influence for development as a woman.
  • Bad: lacks a stable father figure to base expectations of future men

Mother/son – poor chance of success unless purposeful strategy is involved

  • Good: baseline caregiving
  • Bad: no male role model

Father/daughter – moderate success, depending on quality of parent

  • Good: can form expectations of future men
  • Bad: disadvantaged at learning to navigate female peer interaction

Father/son – high chance of success, depending on age of the son

  • Good: can learn masculine virtues and the nature of women
  • Bad: severing ties with the mother can cause problems for young boys

 

The single father setup is the most advantageous for boys, while a boy being with his mother carries no real advantages and many more hurdles. Young girls can potentially do well in either situation, even with their fathers, because the particular disadvantages a young girl faces without a mother can be overcome by the networking with other women. So, in my view, if both parents are of equal caliber, then there’s less chance of failure by siding with the father.

 

I know that this will never happen since it goes against our cultural and legal framework, and is apt to hurt some feels, but it is the conclusion that my experience and intuition point me to. Feel free to comment if your experiences align with my assessment, or even if they go against. Let me know if I’m missing something, whether what I’ve said is wrong or incomplete.

21 thoughts on “Single Fathers Are Better Than Single Mothers

  1. Pingback: Single Fathers Are Better Than Single Mothers | Manosphere.com

  2. My parents had a happy and stable marriage, but I always knew that if somehow a divorce did take place I’d have been much better off with my dad. The emotional comfort, stability, and sense of protection his masculine presence gave me was something my mom could simply never make up for. Not to mention, he was also a much more rational person than my mom, who was ruled completely by her emotions. She would not have been able to teach me to make good decisions based on logical conclusions, but would have instead modeled how to live life at the mercy of feelings.

    • did you ever consider why they split up in the first place? as a man you can know 90% of a women and do all the things women want from a man, but some women can appreciate the very thing she is wanting and receiving that very thing, but chooses to leave because she could be selfish, a whore, has no respect for you because she see’s him as weak because he is gentle, peaceful, and caring.

  3. I am a single father who is trying to get custody of my son who is my whole world. I am looking for stats and credibility reports on single fathers being as good if not better parents. Also I was the stay at home dad for first four years of his life until my wife kicked me out 10 months ago. I have tryed to get her to counseling but that’s not going to happen and I need my son. Please help.

    • I wish I had the expertise to help you man, but unfortunately I’m not qualified. Chances are that unless she is on drugs or an obviously unfit mother, then it’s going to be a hard uphill battle. The best I can say is to talk to some legal consul. If I had some better advice to give then I’d happily give it.

      Good luck, man.

    • HI Emmet,
      I am not sure how you are going in your quest for getting custody of your son…I hope you are winning.
      If you still need to find statistics you can look them up here
      https://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/
      where you can see how disastrous is for children who grow up without their beloved father…it’s really shocking. Women, as they are basically no good at anything else than using the children to exploit men, are totally hopeless in raising them in a decent way on their own…they completely f.ck the whole thing up.
      You need to prove that you havean escellent relationship with your son…and also that you can offer the best educational and healthcare option and also (if you can) the best living conditions.
      And you need the best attorney you can afford…he must have real guts and not be sold to the system.
      Good luck

      • You must really hate women and are more than likely single. You make us out to be idiots walking around in your world with no ambitions or worries. I’m a woman who is unable to have children but if I did and if I was single I’d be darn good at providing my child everything he/she needs to be successful with structure and discipline as well as love and kindness. That’s what’s wrong with the world, too many uneducated opinions and its this way or no way.

        • uneducated opinions who says that besides you. did you ever consider the fact there are studies and statistics that support that it more beneficial in the long run if they are with the father as oppose to the mother? its funny how most of society says that when it comes down to who a child should be with seems to me both genders lean 95% to the mother now here’s were it gets to illogical. when a mother is raising the son/daughter. when a child gets in trouble in school on a regular basis, when a child gets into selling or using drugs, when a child drops out of school, when a child is disrespectful, when a child has anger issues etc. the first and only response both genders seems to said literally 99.9% of the time is WHERE IS THE FATHER, OR WHERE WAS THE FATHER? if you talk to prostitute’s, addicts, men and women in and out of prison, not successful in life, failed relationships after relationships, a reckless disregard for rules and or laws I seem to hear one common denominator in these interviews, documentaries, from active gang members, teachers, even mothers they always say I had no father in my life.

  4. I’m sorry but, this article (as usual) is just clearly biased.

    I understand you had an experience, but there’s a very obvious slant in your writings.

    Although to be fair, the moment I saw “the manosphere” mentioned, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised.

    • Its a pro father article, sorry it doesn’t pander to you’re narcissistic female psych as the b’s pro single mom articles do. Single mom’s on.average f up their kids. Whether it is intentional or not is irrelevant, it is fact. The only argument single mom’s have to refute the imperical data is “waaa I’m a single mom and I’m awesome” “my mom was single and I’m fine”. Eh no your not, your a SINGLE MOM! case in point. The main argument I hear from them is basically…your actual data is hurting my feelings so it can’t be true. Never mind the data is from non biased peer reviewed literature. Kids of single mom’s are more likely to do drugs, get pregnant, go to prison and die. Obviously a nuclear family is best but failing that, single dad family is next best.

    • As a son of single widow mother who is 31 years old.
      I can say this study and result is perfect.
      even with high IQ intelligence i failed to gain basic college degree.
      I am totally failed in socialising.
      Never had girlfriend even i am pretty handsome man in looks in my community.
      My friend says i am so smart but they really don’t get what’s wrong with me and even i don’t get it.
      Even being emotional, caring, loving, loyal my marriage ended in just 6 months.

      And now here i am depressed from last 2 years facing failure and rejection from everyone.

  5. Outstanding article. Very red pill basis in logic and common sense. You are right the common sense logic will fly in the face of current culture.

  6. 100% on point. As I was reading this I could tell it was written by a guy, – logical, straight forward, 2+2=this, and 4-1=that. Of course afterwards I saw in the comments that the authors name is Dave, but as I was reading I did not check. (Who does anyway?)

    This aligns with the experience I’ve had growing up. Parents divorced when I was 14. I was living with my mom and preferred to live with my dad because he is lead by logic and her, more so, feelings. No primary role model on manhood except TV and popular music, and a consistent fight on not becoming a criminal.

    This also aligns with the order of family that is prescribed by God (Jesus Christ) as outlined in the Holy Bible. A married couple with the father as the head of the household, family, finances, religious devotions, living arrangement, sexual department, and external influences is the set-up needed for raising child that are going to be the most successful (given the couple abstained from sexual immorality prior to marriage). In that set-up, the head of man is Christ, the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. As long as the man is focused on Christ and actively working the mission that was given to him, the couple and family will be lead by something purely good, external, irremovable, and bonding. That rids any place for selfishness causing someone to move according to their own desires. (Think of mission trips, or research them. People from all different backgrounds bond on mission trips out of the U.S. because they’re not focused on themselves but focused on the mission and actively working together by the direction of the leader who is lead by God.) – As scary as it seems to be selfless with a person (as woman to man) … (or any person to another), God prescribes actions that balance out the unique structures of man and woman in marriage and bring them into unity. He commands that the husband love his wife as Christ loves the church (despite her actions). And he commands that the wife respect her husband (despite her feelings). And there, the husband attend to the feelings of his wife despite his logic, and the wife attend to the logic of her husband despite her feelings. The commandments of God keep them together and working as a team as the children receive models of manhood and womanhood that are not damaging to them, the community or their own future children.

    This wasn’t meant to be a long read. I meant it to be short and entertaining, but I couldn’t help myself from getting this deep into it. Plus, many people who come to this page will be looking for answers, I’m just sharing what I’ve learned. Thanks for reading.

  7. I agree, Im a single mother to a 6 year old son, and despite his father being very very difficult to live with as a feminine woman, our son is better off with his dad.

    Why?

    Hes getting stronger, bigger and he has his father;s character which I cannot control. As a very feminine woman, I find him difficult to control and inevitably he knows that he has power over me. The only boyfriend I have had since separating, he tries to dominate him and he doesnt like it when mummy is with a man. He becomes violent with me as if to say, “Im mummy’s man, not him”. no amount of therapy or counselling is going to fix this primal feeling I have when I am with another man.

    Not to forget, men typically do better financially in every way. I am till trying to get back on my feet meanwhile he owns a huge apartment, has 5 figure months and can buy everything our son needs. He also has the time since he has employees, he owns several companies.

    I actually think that single motherhood is a path of much resistance. Not so for single fathers …

    Im happy to allow my son to live with his father and I see him regularly. I feel stronger, can move on with my romantic life easier and with less resistance and am not suffering financially this way.

    Finally, most men simply don’t want to raise another man’s child. I hate to say it, but its true. Not so for women …
    the difference between the sexes is still very primal and unfortunately feminism doesn’t help truly feminine women who are struggling to swim an uphill battle.

    • I did the same defiant things when my mom was busy raising both me and my sister by herself (excluding my dad every other weekend). She was a wreck much of the time and it got to her deeply, but in the end things did work out and today I appreciate her struggle and sacrifice.

      I believe that as your young son gets older, discipline will be key, if not from you then from an authority he respects. The earlier the better. A young man without discipline is a fire waiting for burn out of control.

      Another thing that actually made it more difficult for me to live with my mom was my dad’s negative attitude toward her. His residual anger colored my perception of her in a bad way. If you can manage to at least get your ex to portray you in a positive light during visitation, then it is going to help immensely.

      As for the boyfriend, you’re right, it does take a lot of patience on his part to accept a child that isn’t his, especially one that might view him as an enemy. I’m not sure how to go about resolving this. Your son is young, maybe he just needs some time. That discipline and guidance I spoke of earlier should at least help his transition.

  8. Great read dave! I hope people understand this post isn’t meant to lady bash but break down the fundamental differences between being raised by a father vs. mother.

    I’ve had a great deal of friends I personally witnessed make the wrong decisions in life. They were mostly raised by single mothers. On the flipside…not one friend or person I knew raised by a single father ended up going a bad direction, not one.

    At the end of the day one truth holds true.

    Women nurture children…men raise them.

    This all Flys out the window if dad is garbage.

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